still a very good story, just the whole making out and sex part didn't rly fit
in the mood of the story.
this is at least my opinion.
it kinda destroyed the tense and made it unrealistic from my point of view.
instead of kissing gray when all the different emotiond clashed in her,
she should have had a seizure(is that the right word?)
maybe, someday you will write an alternate part of this
anyways : never loose the fun in writing^^